When Monkey Butlers Rule The World

Fuck Blogger, I'm Outta Here

2007-03-21T20:20:00.000-04:00

Find me at all5horizons.com if you care.

New Blogger Sucks

2007-03-13T11:41:00.000-04:00

New Blogger Sucks. I hate it, and so does Johnny Cash. All I tried to do was change my layout and everything got all fucked up. Plus it's impossible to edit the HTML so I can add back everything that got messed up.

I'm looking for a new solution. More to come

SHUT UP!

2007-03-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

I've had enough. Thank god we all survived the friggin time change. Every newscast for the past week and a half was telling me to put my clock back and how it was earlier, blah blah blah..

Then I had to listen to Matt Lauer cry about how he was all screwed up because of the time change and a flight from Cali...

Jeez, it's one stupid hour. Got to bed earlier or sleep later, I'm sure you'll survive.

How come people's lives are turned upside down by something stupid, but Genocide continues unchecked in Africa?

I hate newspeople, I hate the news. It's a mindless parade of mindless 30 second stories. Corporate America wants us distracted so we keep spending money...

My New Favorite Show

2007-03-08T11:50:00.000-05:00

Sarah Silverman Program is Spectacular. Because of it I am going to be a can of Tab for Halloween.

The Latest Pop Tarts

2007-03-03T14:53:00.000-05:00

You dirty dirty girls. Why do you tease me so? I love you!

Jesus With His Family & The Plus Side of Global Warming

2007-02-26T10:30:00.000-05:00

They've found Jesus' bone box. By they, of course, I mean Uber-Director Extrodinare James Cameron. I always thought Jim C. was cooler than Chuck Norris. And now it appears Jesus was buried with his wife and kids (I always knew the Davinci Code was Non-Fiction).

So now we can make some other cool assumptions about the J man. I bet he drove a Minivan with family stick figures on the back.

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Here's the upside of global warming -- really cool new creatures! Hooray!

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Spindly orange sea stars, fan-finned ice fish and herds of roving sea cucumbers are among the exotic creatures spied off the Antarctic coast in an area formerly covered by ice, scientists reported Sunday.

This is the first time explorers have been able to catalog wildlife where two mammoth ice shelves used to extend for some 3,900 square miles over the Weddell Sea.

At least 5,000 years old, the ice shelves collapsed in two stages over the last dozen years. One crumbled 12 years ago and the other followed in 2002.

Global warming is seen as the culprit behind the ice shelves' demise, said Gauthier Chapelle of the Polar Foundation in Brussels.

"These kind of collapses are expected to happen more," he said. "What we're observing here is probably going to happen elsewhere around Antarctica."

Melting ice shelves are not expected to directly contribute much to global sea level rise, but glaciologists believe these vast swaths of ice act like dams to slow down glaciers as they move over the Antarctic land mass toward the coast. Without the ice shelves, glaciers may move over the water more quickly, and this would substantially add to rising seas.

Since 1974, 5,213 square miles of ice shelves have disintegrated in the Antarctic Peninsula.

But the collapse of the ice shelves gave the scientists a unique opportunity to see what had been hidden beneath them; before the collapse, researchers could only peer through holes drilled deep into the ice.

Chapelle and other scientists from 14 nations traveled to the area aboard the icebreaking vessel Polarstern in a 10-week voyage to investigate underwater wildlife along the Antarctic peninsula, the part of the southern continent that curves up toward South America.

Looking down 2,800 feet into the icy water -- a comparatively shallow depth -- they found fauna usually associated with seabeds about three times that deep, in places where the creatures must adapt to scarcity to survive.

There were blue ice fish, with dorsal fins like ribbed fans and blood that lacks red cells, an adaptation that makes the blood more fluid and easier to pump through the animal's body, conserving energy at low temperatures.

Long-limbed sea stars, some with more than the usual five appendages, mingled with the ice fish, and groups of sea cucumbers were observed moving together, all in one direction.

The explorers also found thick settlements of fast-growing animals called sea squirts, which look like gelatinous bags, which apparently started colonizing the area only after the ice shelves collapsed.

Among the hundreds of specimens collected, the scientists identified 15 possible new species of shrimp-like amphipods, and four possible new species of cnidarians, organisms related to coral, jellyfish and sea anemones, the scientists said in a statement.

These specimens will be analyzed to determine whether they in fact are newly discovered species.

I waited 16 years for this????

2007-02-21T10:40:00.000-05:00

Here's a link to the alleged new Guns N Roses single.

Just click one of the icons in the "Listen to this blog" box on the upper left to hear the worst piece of crap I've ever heard. If it's real, it's over Axl.

I didn't expect it to be good....but this is horrible.

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The Van Halen reunion tour with DLR (AKA the two old and increasingly ugly guys try to cash in while they can tour) supposedly is now on hold indefinitely ....

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Has anyone else had it with these people who climb mountains, get stuck and then show up on TV morning shows talking about their "Brave" adventures? Sorry, if you get stuck climbing a mountain that's your problem, not ours.

I hate to see anyone get hurt or die, but when you're doing something that puts your life at risk, don't act like a hero when you survive.

There's a line between Brave and Stupid, and you're way on the stupid side. Brave is rushing into a burning building to save people. Stupid is climbing a giant mountain in the dead of winter.

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Anyone wondering where I've been, story to come. It's not interesting or exciting. I've just been busy as hell. Hopefully I can get back to regular posting.

I'm busy but here

2007-01-26T14:11:00.000-05:00

Young woman running up platform, slamming into tourist lady: Damn fucking tourists! Get the fuck out of my way!
Tourist lady: Excuse me, what?
Young woman: Don't be 'what'-ing me. I just gave you a New-fucking-York experience. You should be thanking me.

--Subway station, 42nd St

If it's too crazy you're too old.

2006-10-16T09:48:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I went to the Social D show Saturday night at ye olde Starland Ballroom. I took my mohawked, guitar-playing, 13 year old son Nick who pretty much likes anything that rocks.

Now at ye olde Starland you can pay an extra $10 (I think) for "Star Parking". That gets you parking that's closer to the door and easier to get out of the lot when the show's over. You also get to go in a seperate door, so you don't have to wait on line to get in and they open this door earlier than the main one.

So Nick had been saying he wanted to try and get up front for the show. Now he's almost 14, but he's still only about 4'9". I said ok, but let's get out of there if it's too crazy. I figured Social D, maybe the crowd is older and a little less crazy, so let's give it a shot.

So we get in the place and there's no one up by the barrier in front of the stage! So we decide to grab a fine piece of fence just to the left of dead center.

Opener was Backpool Lights. They were decent, but a little boring I thought. nothing that grabs you and make you want to jump around.

After that came the Supersuckers. Now I've heard their name for years, but never got to hear their music or see them live. But these guys fucking rocked! Kind of classic rock mixed with punk with a dash of country twang. Insanely good.

Nick and I were rocking out, it was great. The guitarist was soloing litteraly inches in front of us. Nick watched every riff with great intensity (Being a riffologist himself). The guitar player was ripping out blues rock solos that made your arm hairs stand up. And the whole time he was wailing on his Les Paul Tv, he was chewing bubble gum and blowing bubbles.

About mid way through their set, the guitar player came over to where we were and handed Nick something. I thought it was a pick. But it was a piece of gum. Wrapped of course. I told Nick that it probably had special riffmaster powers.

If you get a chance, go see the Supersuckers live, they're a good time party band.

Then out came Social D. It was insane seeing Mike Ness, one foot in front of me ripping through Highway 101, Reach For The Sky and Mommy's Little Monster. But the crowd started to get violent. There was a lot of moshing and pushing and I was worried Nick was gonna get crushed. Plus I was already getting crushed and kicked in the head by the crowd surffers. Did you ever notice that the crowd surfers are never 100 lb girls, thy're always 200 lb guys?

I was drenched in sweat and trying to keep my body behind Nick. I was losing my grip on the barrier and called the security guy over to take Nick over the barrier. I barreled my way through the crowd over to the side and took a few deep breaths.

Now I know I'm too old for the pit. I used to hold my own back in the day. But the pit is for the kids, like Trix. I'll be watching all future shows from the side, with the rest of the old guys.

Good times! and I discovered a "New" band to put in my heavy rotation!

Social Distortion

2006-10-13T10:44:00.000-04:00

YES! I'm going to see Social D tomorrow night at the Starland Ballroom!

Now THAT'S Rock!

A Confession

2006-10-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

Ok, I admit it. I'm not human, I'm a cat.

A Fitting Farewell

2006-10-04T09:47:00.000-04:00

To celebrate the closing of the "legendary" New York City club CBGB, the following farewell shows will be taking place:

10/5 - THE PIETASTERS, BIG D & THE KIDS TABLE
10/8 - AGNOSTIC FRONT, MURPHY'S LAW, MADBALL, SICK OF IT ALL, HARLEY'S WAR (sold out)
10/9 - BAD BRAINS, AVAIL, DUB TRIO (sold out)
10/10 - BAD BRAINS, THE BOUNCING SOULS (sold out)

Hello Pot? This is Kettle.

2006-09-28T09:40:00.000-04:00

SLAYER frontman TOM ARAYA has hit out at violent video games, and fears they will turn today's children in to dangerous criminals.

The 45-year-old thrash rocker, whose band's song lyrics include "die by my hand in pools of blood", refuses to discuss how violence in music affects children - but highlights computer games as a genuine danger to kids. He says, "Kids have become so desensitised to violence, you know? I saw this video game recently where the point was to sell drugs and kill as many people as possible.

"You've got to wonder what a child who plays that is going to be like in 20 years' time."

8 Things I Learned At Warped Tour

2006-08-07T10:55:00.000-04:00

1. I'm old, really old.
2. A lot of the best new bands are from NJ.
3. The bands from NJ were all happy to be back in the Garden State, because evidently pizza sucks everywhere else.
4. Having the audience making the world's "Largest Mother Fucking Circle Pit" is very important to today's bands.
5. Kids like to heave empty water and Gatorade bottles into the crowd.
6. It is possible to ROCK at 11:00 am.
7. The Bouncing Souls (another Jersey band) should be much more famous.
8. If you forget to put on sun screen and spend all day in the sun listening to rock bands, you'll look like an oompa loompa at work the next day.

I'm Busy, But Here's a Joke

2006-08-03T12:05:00.000-04:00

Q: What's Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid's favorite holiday?

A: Skanksgiving!

LOL

I HATE Being Human

2006-07-27T21:30:00.000-04:00

What the fuck is wrong with people? Wars go on constantly over who's magical-guy-in-the-sky rules. We blow the shit out of people for oil. We ignore genocide in Africa. That's all ok.

So let me get this straight, every woman has breasts. They fed many of us when we were widdle babies. And since a few guys can't control their boners when the see some breast flesh...women have to be ashamed to breast feed?

It's the same reason women in certain countries have to be covered from head to toe...so their men don't get tempted. Control yourselves you fucking animals.

I hate you all. Except for you blog readers...and maybe my family...and maybe the people I hang out with...and maybe my mailman...but the rest of you can go fuck yourselves!

'Breast' Cover Gets Mixed Reaction

By JOCELYN NOVECK, AP National Writer

(07-27) 13:47 PDT New York (AP) --

"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down," wrote another. "Gross," said a third.

These readers weren't complaining about a sexually explicit cover, but rather one of a baby nursing, on a wholesome parenting magazine — yet another sign that Americans are squeamish over the sight of a nursing breast, even as breast-feeding itself gains greater support from the government and medical community.

Babytalk is a free magazine whose readership is overwhelmingly mothers of babies. Yet in a poll of more than 4,000 readers, a quarter of responses to the cover were negative, calling the photo — a baby and part of a woman's breast, in profile — inappropriate.

One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it.

"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast — it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

It's the same reason that Ash, 41, who nursed all three of her children, is cautious about breast-feeding in public — a subject of enormous debate among women, which has even spawned a new term: "lactivists," meaning those who advocate for a woman's right to nurse wherever she needs to.

"I'm totally supportive of it — I just don't like the flashing," she says. "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."

Another mother, Kelly Wheatley, wrote Babytalk to applaud the cover, precisely because, she says, it helps educate people that breasts are more than sex objects. And yet Wheatley, 40, who's still nursing her 3-year-old daughter, rarely breast-feeds in public, partly because it's more comfortable in the car, and partly because her husband is uncomfortable with other men seeing her breast.

"Men are very visual," says Wheatley, 40, of Amarillo, Texas. "When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast — regardless of what it's being used for."

Babytalk editor Susan Kane says the mixed response to the cover clearly echoes the larger debate over breast-feeding in public. "There's a huge Puritanical streak in Americans," she says, "and there's a squeamishness about seeing a body part — even part of a body part."

"It's not like women are whipping them out with tassels on them!" she adds. "Mostly, they are trying to be discreet."

Kane says that since the August issue came out last week, the magazine has received more than 700 letters — more than for any article in years.

"Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob," wrote Lauren, a mother of a 4-month-old.

The evidence of public discomfort isn't just anecdotal. In a survey published in 2004 by the American Dietetic Association, less than half — 43 percent — of 3,719 respondents said women should have the right to breast-feed in public places.

The debate rages at a time when the celebrity-mom phenomenon has made breast-feeding perhaps more public than ever. Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields, Kate Hudson and Kate Beckinsale are only a few of the stars who've talked openly about their nursing experiences.

The celeb factor has even brought a measure of chic to that unsexiest of garments: the nursing bra. Gwen Stefani can be seen on babyrazzi.com — a site with a self-explanatory name — sporting a leopard-print version from lingerie line Agent Provocateur. And none other than Angelina Jolie wore one proudly on the cover of People. (Katie Holmes, meanwhile, suffered a maternity wardrobe malfunction when cameras caught her, nursing bra open and peeking out of her shirt, while on the town with husband Tom Cruise.)

More seriously, the social and medical debate has intensified. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recently concluded a two-year breast-feeding awareness campaign including a TV ad — criticized as over-the-top even by some breast-feeding advocates — in which NOT breast-feeding was equated with the recklessness of a pregnant woman riding a mechanical bull.

There have been other measures to promote breast-feeding: in December, for example, Massachusetts banned hospitals from giving new mothers gift bags with free infant formula, a practice opponents said swayed some women away from nursing.

Most states now have laws guaranteeing the right to breast-feed where one chooses, and when a store or restaurant employee denies a woman that right, it has often resulted in public protests known as "nurse-ins": at a Starbucks in Miami, at Victoria's Secret stores in Racine, Wis. and Boston, and, last year, outside ABC headquarters in New York, when Barbara Walters made comments on "The View" seen by some women to denigrate breast-feeding in public.

"It's a new age," says Melinda Johnson, a registered dietician and spokesperson for ADA. "With the government really getting behind breast-feeding, it's been a jumping-off point for mothers to be politically active. Mommies are organizing. It's a new trend to be a mommy activist."

Ultimately, it seems to be a highly personal matter. Caly Wood says she's "all for breast-feeding in public." She recalls with a shudder the time she sat nursing in a restaurant booth, and another woman walked by, glanced over and said, "Ugh, gross."

"My kid needed to eat," says the 29-year-old from South Abingdon, Mass. And she wasn't going to go hide in a not-so-clean restroom: "I don't send people to the bathroom when THEY want to eat," she says.

But Rebekah Kreutz thinks differently. One of six women who author SisterhoodSix, a blog on mothering issues, Kreutz didn't nurse her two daughters in public, and doesn't really feel comfortable seeing others do it.

"I respect it and think women have the right," says Kreutz, 34, of Bozeman, Mont. "But personally, it makes me really uncomfortable."

"I just think it's one of those moments that should stay between a mother and her child."

2006-07-27T09:44:00.000-04:00

Do you have to be wierd to be creative?

2006-07-13T09:39:00.000-04:00

I guess you do. That's why I'll never be a rockstar. I'm not wierd enough. I'm just barely this side of normal.

I love Weezer. It's a shame that Rivers seems to drift through. I bet a lot of great songs will never be heard.

Oh well. There are tons of bands on Warped tour (Which I'm going to Aug 6) who would kill to be able to have the success that Rivers has. Newer bands, for the most part, try harder.

Here's the story from FMQB:

Now that's he's a married, Harvard graduate, what does the immediate future hold for Weezer main man Rivers Cuomo? Not the band that he has fronted for over a decade. Speaking to MTV.com, Cuomo says, "All this year, I've been feeling pretty creative and excited, so I've been writing a lot. I don't know what'll happen with these songs — if anything — I just sort of write them and I can't stop. I certainly don't see them becoming Weezer songs, and I don't really see the point of a solo career. So we'll just have to see."

Cuomo says that he is still in touch with his bandmates, all of whom were in his wedding party last month, but they aren't talking about making new music together currently. He told MTV.com, "the band is all back in Los Angeles, and I sometimes I speak with [drummer] Patrick [Wilson], and I occasionally e-mail with [guitarist] Brian [Bell] and [bassist] Scott [Shriner], but we've never mentioned getting together. Really, for the moment, we are done. And I'm not certain we'll ever make a record again, unless it becomes really obvious to me that we need to do one."

If the band is truly through (and they have taken long breaks before, notably their post-Pinkerton hiatus in the late '90s), is the requisite greatest-hits CD on the way? "It's being discussed with the record company right now, but we have to sign off before they can do anything. And to be honest, we don't all see eye-to-eye on it," he said. "I'm not convinced that we have a greatest-hits album that is worth putting out at this point," he added. "I'd like to include two more amazing songs on there. And anything else would just seem lazy to me. We'll see, though. I don't really feel comfortable with it now."

These Guys Are Excited That It's Friday. Are You?

2006-07-07T08:35:00.000-04:00

I am. For three reasons.

1) I have half day Fridays during the summer. That means I'm out of this bitch at 12:30!
2) Me, Angel & Steve are off to the bad side of Jersey tonight for a full night of manly debauchery.
3) Poker game at my house tomorrow night.

Have a good weekend kiddies. Listen to some new music or go see an unsigned band or support your local non-chain music store if you have one.

Why Do Women Think This Looks Good?

2006-07-06T09:26:00.000-04:00

It doesn't. It's repulsive. Eat a sammich.

You have a pretty face Actress chick. But I don't want to sleep with skeletor.

Crazy Like A Father

2006-07-05T13:55:00.000-04:00

Son, right now you're just a little crazy. When you get big you can be super crazy with many intricate stripes like me.

How Do You Get A Monkey To Quit Smoking? Beer Of Course.

2006-06-27T09:23:00.000-04:00

A 26-year-old chimpanzee enjoys a cigarette at the zoo in Xian, China. Xiku the chain-smoking chimpanzee has almost kicked his deadly habit thanks to the efforts of zoo keepers in China, but it has taken a beer or two to help get him through detox.

World Cup Update

2006-06-23T08:42:00.000-04:00

Someone told me there were soccer games being played...Really? I though the World Cup was all about hot chicks with a lot of national spirit.

Happy Friday to all! Here's to a weekend of drunken girls with national spirit!

Don't Let The UN Take Your Guns!

2006-06-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

Next thing you know they'll want your trailer too!

Yeeee Haaaaa!

More World Cup Hot Chick Goodness

2006-06-21T09:07:00.000-04:00

Here you go. Enjoy.

My New Favorite Web Site

2006-06-20T09:40:00.000-04:00

I know I've posted this two or three times before, but Overheard In New York is fucking hillarious. Everyday I get at least two or three chuckles out of it. Like this gem:

Time for New Friends

Girl #1: How much does he want?
Girl #2: Ten dollars.
Girl #1 to gypsy cab: Fuck you! I'd rather drag my friend home on her face than pay you ten dollars!

--Union Square East

Homeless Screech

2006-06-19T10:16:00.000-04:00

Screech is gonna be homeless. Thanks to Indy for the heads up.

Here's a tasty morsel of whining from his site:

"Tell Arthur Giraldo that I just got served and was told that he hadn't contacted the holder of the land contract for over a month, never sent any papers over and as such, I am losing my house. If he doesn't call me back I'll go to Howard Stern and tell the world (New York especially) how he does business. Let's face it, if he can't find the time to work on a mortgage for a famous celebrity, how will he handle the average person?"

Wow. He ought to see a doctor, cause Screech is fucking delusional.

How about you get off your ass and get a job at Walmart or a gas station or anywhere and pay your bills like normal people, instead of begging on the internet? Your one step above a guy who sits at the subway entrance and begs for change.

Boo Hoo.

I never liked you Screech, now I hate you.

More World Cup Goodness

2006-06-19T09:42:00.000-04:00

Are all the Sweedish soccer fans hot and horny? That's what I've learned about world cup.

Here are some Facts:

*Pearl Jam Rock live. 6 guys, 3 hour shows, a different set list every night, arenas packed to the rafters and a rocking new album.

*Soccer is more boring than golf. The US didn't even score the goal against Italy, the Itallians knocked it in themselves.

*In the next six months my life will be changing dramatically. That's all I can say for now.

*I am now old. During my last trip to CVS I purchased a knee brace and reading glasses.

Here are some Myths:

*George Bush is actually running the country.

*I am a good poker player.

*I am a good guitar player.

*Pot lowers your sperm count.

She's Almost Hot Enough To Make Me Care About The World Cup

2006-06-12T11:42:00.000-04:00

Seriously. Soccer's more boring than golf.

A friend of mine said "Soccer's not a sport. It's an activity."

Happy Monday Kids!

Cunt of the Month

2006-06-07T12:15:00.000-04:00

Ann Coulter. I hated her before. Now I super-hate her. What a cunt. She should be fucked up the ass by a herd of wild donkeys.

From The NY Daily News:

When their husbands were killed on 9/11, four New Jersey widows tried to find out why - and now no-holds-barred conservative pundit Ann Coulter is mercilessly denouncing them as "witches."

"I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much," Coulter writes in her new book.

Her brutal words were challenged yesterday on national television by "Today" host Matt Lauer - and she was slammed by the widows she derided as self-absorbed, limelight-seeking "harpies."

"I'd like her to meet my daughter and tell her how anyone could enjoy their father's death," said Kristen Breitweiser, one of four widows known as the "Jersey Girls."

"She sounds like a very disturbed, unraveled person," added Breitweiser.

In "Godless: The Church of Liberalism," the uncompromisingly right-wing Coulter writes the Jersey Girls have no right to criticize President Bush or any of the failures that led to the terror attacks.

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis," Coulter writes.

"And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy. . .

"These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them."

Breitweiser, Lorie Van Auken, Mindy Kleinberg and Patty Casazza bonded after their husbands died on 9/11, leaving them with seven children and a desire for answers.

They pushed to create the 9/11 commission, which put out a scathing report criticizing the Clinton and Bush administrations for not taking the terrorist threat more seriously - and found New York's emergency response system wasn't prepared for a serious attack.

"Our ports have not been secured. Our borders have not been secured. We still haven't caught [Osama] Bin Laden," Van Auken said yesterday. "She's not even talking about what we were talking about. She's just attacking."

The Jersey Girls - or, as Coulter calls them, "the Witches of East Brunswick" - have been criticized before, but never like this. Van Auken told the Daily News she was stunned by the vitriol.

"Having my husband burn alive in a building brought me no joy," she said. "Watching it unfold on national TV and .seeing it repeated endlessly was beyond what I could describe. Telling my children they would never see their father again was not fun. And we had no plans to divorce."

When Lauer grilled Coulter about the book, she yelled at him so harshly that gasps echoed through Rockefeller Center - and then she made a wisecrack about CBS-bound former host Katie Couric.

"If you lose a husband, you no longer have the right to have a political point of view?" Lauer asked.

As the exchange grew tense, Coulter said, "Look, you're getting testy with me."

She later added: "Hey, where's Katie? Did she leave or something?"

Last night, Coulter didn't back down from bashing the 9/11 widows. "These women got paid. They ought to take their money and shut up about it," Coulter said on MSNBC's "The Situation with Tucker Carlson."

Coulter made headlines in the past when she called for blowing up The New York Times Building, advocated forcing Muslims to become Christians and wrote an entire book that said every American liberal is guilty of treason.

Her controversial writings have made her a best-selling .author and syndicated columnist and put her on the cover of Time magazine. She's made big bucks in the process, buying a $1.5 million condo on the upper East Side.

Politicians of both parties denounced Coulter's comments.

"It's totally inhumane to be saying things like this about people who went through such agony," said Rep. Pete King (R-L.I.).

"It seems that she's just full of anger and hate," said Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-Manhattan), who held a news conference yesterday with relatives of 9/11 victims on the country's failure to improve security.

"Like an insecure child, it's always been clear that Ann Coulter is prepared to do anything to get attention," added Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn, Queens). "This is a new low."

I'm out bitches!

2006-05-26T08:51:00.000-04:00

I'm taking the next week off work. That means no posts and witty insight for you interweb friends of mine. I know, it sucks...there there. Don't cry.

I'm going to be going to rock shows and playing poker and sleeping late.

Anyway as a bon voyage treat here's something fun about everybody's favorite world's oldest pop star. Directly lifted from Heckler Spray

Jesus ‘Not Mad’ At Madonna For Crucifixion Stunt

There were three very distinct reactions when Madonna wheeled out her giant glittery cross, put on a thorny hat and crucified herself during a concert on her tour earlier this week.

Christian groups got all angry at Madonna for seemingly taking the piss out of Jesus during the show, while the majority of sensible people saw it as a welcome respite - it is, after all, the first Madonna publicity stunt for ages that didn't involve seeing an old lady rolling about the floor with her fanny hanging out. But what did Jesus think of Madonna's stunt?

He's OK with it, apparently, and not mad at Madonna at all. That's according to Madonna, at least.

Madonna is a woman fully in control of her public image. She knows that when she falls off a horse, horsey groups will be outraged. She knows that when she marries a fat mockney who couldn't direct traffic, she'll look more creative and brilliant and more in control, and she knows that when she has a hernia operation, everyone will realise how old she is and feel vaguely repulsed every time she come on TV wearing her gynotard. OK, maybe not that last one.

So of course Madonna knew that by singing a song while being crucified on her tour, all sorts of religious groups would flip their wigs in an explosion of outrage, before turning the other cheek like good Christians. Already, various churchy leaders have described Madonna's stunt as "dangerous," "an abuse," and "offensive". But it's OK, Madonna says, because Jesus has given it his go-ahead:

"I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send. Jesus taught we should love thy neighbour."

Quite what loving thy neighbour has got to do with a middle-aged woman singing a rubbish song on a cross is beyond us, but we haven't really read The Bible in a while. And the message that Madonna was sending probably wasn't what you thought - a kind of "Look at me! I'm still as famous as I used to be, honest! Don't make me get my minge out again!" message, but an appeal to encourage the audience to donate to Aids charities.

Apparently, while Madonna was singing on the cross, images of poverty were shown on giant screens accompanied by some ticking numbers to represent the 12 million African Aids orphans. But the fact that the 'message' needs to be explicitly explained, while Madonna monging about on a giant cross doesn't probably gives some idea of how effective it is.

4 Concerts in 15 Days

2006-05-24T09:58:00.000-04:00

I'm seeing 4 shows in 15 days. It all started on Saturday May 20th at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC. I took my 13 year old son and his friend to see Avenged Sevenfold (These guys^^) and Coheed and Cambria.

It was loud. I wore ear plugs. I know, I'm old. Both bands and the opener 18 Visions rocked pretty hard. A lot of loud guitars, decent songs, but not my particular cup of tea.

The audience was 80% highschool kids, 19% college kids, and 1% dads. I was trying to aviod being sucked into the crowd of sweaty high school boys by standing at the back of the floor near the stairs where you would go to get backstage.

This one kid comes over to the stairs and talks to the security guard. He obviously was looking for the bathroom and was obviously wasted. The guard pointed to the other stairs where the bathrooms were. The kid put his hand over his mouth and then spewed all over the stairs. Every person who came out of backstage from that point on had to step in puke. Glad I wasn't backstage for this one.

Next up is Bullet For My Valentine at Starland Ballroom on Sunday the 28th. Another show for my son and a friend. Starland is a small club here in Jersey that gets national acts. I think it's about 1,500 capacity, very small. Gonna need the ear plugs for this one too.

Then June 1st and 3rd it's Pearl Jam at the Meadowlands. That's more my speed. They rock and are one of those bands who are a million times better live than they are on record. Plus they do long shows and they always chnge their set list from night to night. Usually they do at least two encores of about 5-6 songs each. I can't wait because their new album rocks.

Social Distortion has announced soem tour dates for this summer, hopefully they'll make an east coast swing so I can catch them.

I smell anorexia.

2006-05-23T15:09:00.000-04:00

Punk girl #1: You know what I smell whenever I pass by this store?
Punk girl #2: Heh, what?
Punk girl #1: Anorexia.

--In front of Abercrombie, 5th Ave

Somehow I Don't Think So

2006-05-11T14:43:00.000-04:00

Martha Stewart listens to her own channel on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart listens to NPR on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart listens to BBC news on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart listens to Bloomberg on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart rolls with the homies on Shade 45 on Sirius, Eminem's channel where it's all hip hop all the time. I don't think so.

Although how cool would it be to see her smoking a giant spliff and rolling down the streeet in a big Cadilac convirtible with Snoop listening to Gin And Juice?

Overheard in NYC

2006-05-09T16:29:00.000-04:00

This site is full of whacky stuff overheard on the streets of NYC check it out.

Here are some samples:

Man: Have you ever heard a man call his penis a gonzo?
Girl: No, but my boyfriend used to call his the Cookie Monster.
Man: Well, by the way you smell you should start calling your cooch Oscar the Grouch

--Times Square

Overheard by: FuzzyWuzzy
*****************************************************

Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

--College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: King Arthur
*****************************************************

Tourist girl #1: You stand in front of me..and you stand in back of me.
Tourist girl #2: Why?
Tourist girl #1: You guys are my stab buffer. I'm just taking the necessary safety precautions.

--Times Square
******************************************************

Girl: Did you just say "jubble"? That can't be a real word.
Guy: It's like, silent onomatopoeia.
Girl: There's no such thing as silent onomatopoeia. The very definition of the word "onomatopoeia" contradicts silence.
Guy: Well, it's like the sound that boobs would make if they made sound. They'd go "jubble, jubble, jubble."
Girl: I'm afraid I'm going to have to smack you now. Seriously.

--13th & 3rd

******************************************************

Teen girl: Hey, I'm a Scientologist.
Tom Cruise: Oh, really? What echelon are you in?
Teen girl: [awkwardly quiet] Uh... number three?
Tom Cruise: Exactly.

--Mission: Impossible III gala premiere, TriBeCa Film Festival, BMCC

Overheard by: mademoiselle schaeffer

He IS Rock and Roll

2006-05-08T10:06:00.000-04:00

There are a few poeple who ARE rock and roll. Elvis was one. Slash is one. and Keith Richards is one.

He's 62 and fell out of a coconut tree.

You wish you were Keith. Or at least I do.

Social Distortion Working On New Album

2006-05-03T09:29:00.000-04:00

I love this fucking band! Their last album was insanely good. If you don't know Social D do yourself a favor and take a listen.

From Punkbands.com:

Social Distortion are already back in the studio preparing to record their follow-up to 2004's "Sex, Love And Rock 'n' Roll". It is scheduled for release in late 2006 or early 2007 via TimeBomb Recordings and will be their first album with new bassist Brent Harding. He is the replacement of John Maurer, who has been a member of the band since their second album "Prison Bound," left before the release of their latest album and was replaced by Operation Ivy/Rancid's Matt Freeman (punkmusic.com).

Now We Know Why Bush Wanted to Outlaw Cloning

2006-05-01T09:41:00.000-04:00

He wanted the technology all to himself.

It's Friday So Here's Some Major League Boobies

2006-04-28T10:41:00.000-04:00

This week is Quickly Becoming Asshole Week

2006-04-26T16:51:00.000-04:00

Monday's asshole: That cloned dog.
Tuesday's asshole: Ricky Williams.
Wednesday's asshole: This Fucktard.

From The Smoking Gun:

Meet Dusten Jacob Williams. The 20-year-old Oregon man was arrested yesterday afternoon for brandishing what appeared to be a handgun outside a school. After parents reported seeing a man pulling the black handgun on pupils in the parking lot of Conestoga Middle School, the school briefly went into lockdown. According to Beaverton cops, Williams pressed the gun into the stomach of one student and pointed the weapon at the school and pulled the trigger before riding off on his skateboard. (Ok, you're 20 and you're riding around on a skateboard? Unless you're Tony Hawk and you're over 17 and still skateboarding, you're a loser)

Williams was apprehended a few blocks away with a BB gun designed to look like a Glock. The unemployed Oregonian (Suprise, suprise. 20, on a skateboard dressed like a Starwars guy and no job? Who'd a thunk it?), who was eventually charged with disorderly conduct, told cops that he was showing the replica gat to friends and probably should not have been doing it outside a school.

Now as for the face paint, apparently the 6' 4" Williams was going for a devil/"Revenge of the Sith" look, surmised one law enforcement official. So what kind of guy parades around in the middle of the day with red and black paint on his face a la Darth Maul? The kind who waves a fake gun around outside a school and then escapes on his waiting skateboard.

Smoke a Joint or Get $3.7 million?

2006-04-26T09:47:00.000-04:00

Wrong choice you dumb fuck.

Happy birthday you lab freak!

2006-04-25T11:33:00.000-04:00

Snuppy, the first dog cloned from adult cells by somatic nuclear cell transfer, eats a cake at the Seoul National University, April 24, 2006.

Oh by the way, nice name you freak of science.

I heart the Hockey Monkey

2006-04-25T11:25:00.000-04:00

Here's a link to the Hockey Monkey song Click it.

I love it.

On other fronts I've been playing crap poker after having two really good weeks, finishing in the money three times. I haven't cashed since. I play twice a week in live games.

I've also been busier than...(fill in the blank in the comments. I'm too busy) Ah ha ha ha....

Dog Porno

2006-04-14T09:41:00.000-04:00

Evidently there are some sick fuckers coming here. I checked my stats on Google Analytics and found that after "Vida Guera" "Dog Porno" was the search phrase people used most in 2006 to find me.

I believe in giving people what they want, so here you go you sick fuckers...

The Reality of MySpace

2006-04-13T16:28:00.000-04:00

Guns & Roses????

2006-04-13T10:21:00.000-04:00

The internet rock rumor mill is swirling out of control regarding Guns N Roses. Here's a summary.

Slash supposedly moved his equipment out of the Velevet Revolver Rehersal studios weeks ago. There have been rumblings that VR is done.

Scott Weiland recently went on stage at a Hollywood club and sang Guns' "It's So Easy". Reports say he looked wasted. Weiland has had a lot of dug troubles inthe past, but was recently living the clean life.

Now there are rumors that there will be an announcement in the near future that Velvet Revolver has broken up and there will a full Guns & Roses reunion tour with the Use Your Illusion lineup...

Would you go see them if this is true?

I would.

It's Friday, So Here's A Joke

2006-04-07T16:04:00.000-04:00

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan

Ha ha ha!

Have a good weekend! Do everything!

Grow me some parts, bitch!

2006-04-05T10:46:00.000-04:00

Now that they can grow new parts for people. I can drink, smoke, basically do anything and not have to worry about the ramifications.

On the down side does this mean that people will never die? That would make for a crowded planet.

I always knew it would come down to soylent green.

I've gotta start wearing less lipstick

2006-04-04T09:26:00.000-04:00

Wouldn't you be afraid that you'd get kicked in the ass a lot wearing this?

2006-04-03T10:01:00.000-04:00

I would.

I was on vacation last week. That's why there were no posts. I actually spent the week building two poker tables.

I had a bunch of friends and neighbors over my house on Saturday for a No Limit Hold em tournament. It was a lot of fun. My mom actually finished second.

I did take a trip down to the Borgata in Atlantic City on Wednesday where I played in a NL Holdem Tourney. I finished 11th out of 70 people. Of course the top 10 got paid.

Oh well.

Freaky Hair, Porno Wine, Driving Dog and a Cyote in Central Park

2006-03-23T09:33:00.000-05:00

Nice Hair Phil, ya freak!

************************************

Porno star Savanna Samson has produced the wine Sogno Uno which received a 91 (outstanding) rating from wine expert Robert Parker. Wow, what a combintaion. Earth shattering blow jobs and a good wine. She's a keeper!

************************************

I wish my dog was race car driver, but he's dumb as a bag of hammers.

************************************

I was watching the news last night with my 16 year old daughter and they had this story about how there was a cyote running around in Central Park in NYC. I said, "I wonder how he got there?" My daughter said, "He hopped, skipped and jumped." I though that was funny.

If you were a 14 year old boy, you'd hit it too.

2006-03-22T10:03:00.000-05:00

Neil Young is God of Rock

2006-03-17T10:22:00.000-05:00

Neil Young is the only rock musician from the 60's that has continuously put out good music for the past 40 years. The Stones, Clapton and Tom Petty have all had their moments, but Neil takes chances all the time. He doesn't re-write Cinnamon Girl. He always suprises. He rocks harder than anyone out there, including the kids who are young enough to be his grandkids.

He is God.

You know it.

Try Microsoft's New Operating System, SatanRz

2006-03-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of gald they've done away with all the pretense of the fancy code names.

Hot Topic is not Punk Rock

2006-03-13T09:51:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of MC Lars:

Books about Evanescence (Are not punk rock)
Guns ‘n Roses watches (Are not punk rock)
Hello Kitty iPod cases (Are not punk rock)
Rob Zombie lunch boxes (Are not punk rock)
Slipknot binder paper (Is not punk rock)
Tinkerbell pillowcases (Are not punk rock)
Led Zeppelin air fresheners (Are not punk rock)
Tupac incense burners (Are not punk rock)

Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic) x4

Misfits candle tins (Are not punk rock)
ICP throw blankets (Are not punk rock)
Beaded Elvis curtains (Are not punk rock)
Talking Lambchop plush dolls (Are not punk rock)
AC DC hairclips (Are not punk rock)
Spongebob wristbands (Are not punk rock)
Sex Pistol boxer shorts (Are not punk rock)
Dischord back catalogue (Okay, maybe that’s punk rock)

Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic) x4

Hot Topic is a contrived identification with youth subcultures to manufacture an anti-authoritarian identity and make millions. The $8 you paid for the Mudvayne poster would be better spent used to see your brother’s friend’s band.

DIY ethics are punk rock
Starting your own label is punk rock.
G.G. Allin was punk rock

But when a crass corporate vulture
Feeds on mass-consumer culture
This spending mommy’s money (Is not punk rock)

A Great Idea, Something I Want, Something I Fear

2006-03-10T11:09:00.000-05:00

Here are the pics. You decide which is which.

Fall Out Boy Tries To Fly

2006-03-08T10:28:00.000-05:00

I saw Fall Out Boy on SNL this week. These guys are total tools. It's obvious after hearing them live that they were completely processed and "Pro-Tooled" in the studio. The chunky guy whith the funny hat who sings was so far off key it made my dog cover his ears. The one guitarist was on an all out pose fest and played like shit.

Plus I hate their stupid hats that everyone wears now. LAME!

Here's a story about how they tried to be all cool and underground at a "secret" show at the Knitting Factory in NYC. Its from Punk Bands.com.

I normally don't like the way MTV handles news about it's top artists, but their tongue in cheek story about Fall Out Boy's "secret" club gig in NYC deserves a mention. Not only do the following quotes speak volumes about the music channel itself but also how underground music has become a major selling tool for a fashion and trend obsessed mainstream.

"by the time Fall Out took the tiny stage at the Knitting Factory on Friday, the excitement in the crowd was palpable (and the preteen screeches ear-splitting). Each and every raccoon-eyed girl and angular-haired guy in the audience believed that they were part of something underground, something that the cheerleaders and jocks had no idea was happening. Judging by the number of cell phones held aloft, the goal was to make those cheerleaders and jocks very jealous at school on Monday (or at least score some sweet pics for their blogs)."

"About the only un-slick, unscripted moment came at set's end, as Wentz climbed to the Knitting Factory's upper balcony and prepared to take a plunge into the waiting arms of the crowd. The only problem was the crowd didn't quite seem to know what to do, and as Wentz leapt, fans only sort of caught him, and he went "down, down" (hard) to the concrete floor... It was almost like he couldn't wait to read what the message boards were gonna say about it. And he was probably already formulating his response."

Of course no MTV news article would be complete without the metaphorical dick sucking of one of their top artists, but overall, it looks like the channel knows how disposible most "pop" artists are and isn't afraid to make snarky remarks about it.

What The Fuck Monday?

2006-03-06T10:11:00.000-05:00

Eddie Fuckin Van Halen! What The Fuck??? I know you're old, but Ed the booze is really not helping you. You look like shit.

******************************************************

Dancing Gay Cowboys. What The Fuck???

******************************************************

Nice Ass, very nice actually. But aren't you freezing it off? What The Fuck???

The Maze Challenge

2006-03-01T15:34:00.000-05:00

I could only get to level 3. How far can you get? Try it!

Click here

What's This Guy's Beef?

2006-03-01T10:39:00.000-05:00

What's this guy against?

Is it 90's group TLC? I kind of liked that song "Waterfalls".

Is it Tender Loving Care? Yeah that kind of sucks.

Is it Terrorists Launching Cannolis? That sounds delicious.

What is it?

Vida Guerra I LOVE You!

2006-02-27T16:27:00.000-05:00

Lyric Game 3

2006-02-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

You know the rules. No looking up on teh interwebs.

Cold turkey's getting stale,
tonight I'm eating crow
Fermented salmonella poison oak no
There's a drought at the fountain of youth,
and now I'm dehydrated.
My tongue is swelling up

Bonus points if you name the album.

Lyric Game

2006-02-23T14:35:00.000-05:00

As usual, no cheating by looking it up. Either you know it or ya don't!

Farmers (What!!!) Farmers (What!!!)
I'm ready (we're ready!!!)
I think I'm gonna bomb a town (get down!!)

Who Let Carrot Top In The Olympics?

2006-02-22T10:37:00.000-05:00

Should I Be Hating Bono More?

2006-02-21T09:21:00.000-05:00

I used to be a huge fan of U2. All through the 80's and into the early 90's. They lost me with that giant lemon shit.

I think it's admirable that Bono actually does something to put pressure on government leaders to help the poor.

But does he really need a clothing line? Or is he donating all the money to the poor?

Please Bono, don't make me hate you for more than the past 13 years of craptacular music.

Why Do I Think This Guy Never Puts This Position To Good Use?

2006-02-21T09:17:00.000-05:00

Happy Tuesday People!

Oh Those Whacky Interwebs!

2006-02-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

Stuff on My Cat

Rick Rubin + Metallica = Greatness

2006-02-17T09:33:00.000-05:00

Metallica have decided that some new blood was in order for their next studio album and have enlisted legendary producer Rick Rubin to helm the effort.

In an official post on their website, Metallica revealed the news along with new photos from the studio. "Since this Rick dude is new to all of this, we thought it would be a nice gesture to help break him into the music business by asking him to produce our next record. We're very happy he said yes! In other words, we are psyched to share with you that Rick Rubin is producing the next Metallica album! F**K YEAH!", reads the posting.

The news comes despite a September 2005 interview with Lars Ulrich where he stated, "I would say that Bob Rock will always be our producer. You know it's almost like default. It's not whether he should produce, it's more whether he shouldn't produce it. So I would expect Bob Rock to produce it unless he's not interested."

Rubin is a busy guy these days; he is also onboard to produce the new Linkin Park album. His past credits include albums with Slayer, System of a Down, and Slipknot. antiMusic was awaiting an official comment from the Rubin camp at press time. We will update if that comes.

In the past Rubin has produced such albums as the Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill, Run DMC's Raising Hell, The Cult's Electric, Johnny Cash's American IV When The Man Comes Around, The Red Hot Chili Peppers' Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Tom Petty's Wild Flowers, and worked on Jay Z's 99 Problems.

Can Tom Cruise Get ANY CRAZIER?

2006-02-15T15:05:00.000-05:00

Ok I think most of this celebrity gossip is lame and boring, but most of it turns out to be true. And Crazy Cruise just brings it upon himself.

Supposedly he and Katie Holmes have broken up....

The rift between Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes began shortly after the new year, said Life & Style, when Ms. Holmes failed her weekly E-meter test. (Weekly E-Meter Test????!!!) An E-meter, according to the Secrets of Scientology website, is a "crude lie detector used by Scientology auditors (counselors) to examine a person's mental state. Scientologists claim the device allows people to 'see a thought.' In the hands of a trained auditor, they believe it can uncover 'hidden crimes.'"

The hidden crimes of Katie Holmes included a desire to be allowed to go to the bathroom without her Scientology minder, a wish to resume her acting career after her child is born, and her disappointment that Mr. Cruise refused to have sex with her after she had become pregnant.

"Once Katie started having sex," said a friend of the actress, "she really got into it, but Tom simply saw it as a means to an end. As soon as she was pregnant, he lost interest in her altogether. I think she's starting to wonder if those rumors about Tom are true."

"You'll notice there was no public display of tonsil hockey on Valentine's Day," said MSNBC-TV's Rita Cosby. "No renting a toy store, no age-inappropriate presents, no open house at Chuck E. Cheese."

Instead, reported FOX News Shepard Smith, Mr. Cruise has been spotted by himself at Kanye West concerts recently.

The Mission Impossible star "dangled off a nine-foot-high balcony" at a concert in Los Angeles. Then he screamed, "All these people are making me crazy. It’s too much!"

As onlookers "gasped in disbelief," said In Touch Weekly, Mr. Cruise climbed up cables leading to the VIP balcony and "went nuts" when he heard his favorite songs from Mr. West.

When Mr. West sang a line from "Gold Digger" about the need for prenups, Mr. Cruise threw his hands in the air and shouted, "Yeah, my [N-word]." (Stop it now. I'm embarrassed for you.)

Mr. Cruise also "cornered other concert-goers to preach about Scientology," reported In Touch Weekly.

"He kept asking us what religion we were," one concert goer complained. "He told us that Scientology changed his life and his fiancée’s life, and it could change ours, too. I didn't think he was ever going to let us go. He was starting to get creepy."

In related news, Tom Cruise is threatening to sue biographer Andrew Morton. Mr. Cruise reportedly went livid when he learned that Mr. Morton had hired Los Angeles private investigator and former gay adult actor Paul Baressi to probe on-going speculation that the Top Gun star is gay.

Check Out This Picture!

2006-02-15T11:44:00.000-05:00

"Dude, check out this picture on my cell phone. This chick totally showed me her boobs last night at the Drunken Clam"

Van Halen is the new INXS. Axl Rose is the new Willy Loman. Prince is the new Willy Wonka.

2006-02-13T10:23:00.000-05:00

Sources tell TMZ that Van Halen is in the market for a new lead singer, and the marketplace will be the upcoming reality show 'Rock Star: The Series.'

Last October, Van Halen reps vehemently denied the band would use 'Rock Star' in a talent search for a new lead singer. The reps are now singing a different tune. Van Halen publicist Larry Solters told TMZ: "I'm not denying it. I'm not going to answer any questions about it."

Last year, the band INXS used 'Rock Star' to find a new lead singer. J.D. Fortune won the competition, and the band is now making a comeback with a hit new album and a sold-out tour.

As for Van Halen, the group has had three lead singers since it hit the scene back in 1978: David Lee Roth, who left the band in 1985, Sammy Hagar, who split in 1996, and Gary Cherone, who did just one album and tour with the band in 1998.

The next season of 'Rock Star,' produced by Mark Burnett for CBS, is scheduled to air during the summer. Neither Burnett nor CBS would comment on the Van Halen buzz.

Say it's not so Eddie, say it's not so.

***********

The New York Post's PageSix reports that Axl and an entourage descended on the Chelsea hotspot STEREO last week as the club was closing it doors but Axl persuaded the owners to keep the club open for them by offering an exclusive impromptu listening party of the new CD.

Axl plans to release the cd in person door to door. Look for your visit soon.

***********

The artist formerly known as a symbol implying lack of specific gender - that's Prince to you - has an album coming out very soon. On March 21st, 2006 he's releasing 3121, and each album purchased could contain a purple ticket that would allow you through the doors of Prince's Minneapolis mansion.

I'm afraid what you'd find in there.

Olympic Luger Or Modern Day Oompa Loompa? You Decide.

2006-02-13T09:39:00.000-05:00

Take THAT Britney! You Got Teddy Roosevelt Served!

2006-02-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

''Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens,'' said the gum-chewing singer. Asked if she trusted the president, she said: ''Yes, I do.''

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -Teddy Roosevelt

Oh, P.S. Babies don't make good airbags you white trash bitch.

God Help Us

2006-02-09T22:35:00.000-05:00

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
- George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe."
- George W. Bush
?
"Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
- George W. Bush
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
- George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- George W. Bush

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- George W. Bush

Would You Rather..

2006-02-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

Nail a porn star, like Jenna Jameson here, with her big fake boobies...Or own this cool flame covered computer?

I hate big fake boobies, so I'd take the computer.

Now if that was a real girl, with real boobs, I'd probably change my mind.

How about you?

From Jersey to Florida

2006-02-08T09:58:00.000-05:00

I may be moving from Northern NJ to South Florida.

I had sent a resume in for a job about 2 months ago. A month after that I spoke to someone at that company for about a half hour. I thought it went pretty well. But I didn't hear from them again for a few weeks. I figured maybe I wasn't what they were looking for or the salary didn't fit with what I am making now...

Then out of the blue the head guy at the Florida company calls me and sets up a time for us to do a phone interview. I talked to him on Monday from home (I was taking a vacation day anyway).

Well I ended up being on the phone for about an hour. It went well I think. He left it by saying he would be in touch with me at the end of the week about next steps. That sounded pretty positive.

The only problem is if I do take the job, I would be uprooting my family and moving to south Florida. The big problem is that the kids are 13 and 16. My wife is ok with moving. That really suprised me, cause she hates change. But luckily hates winter worse.

There are career future issues with this position as well. I don't want to go into too much detail, but this is a move that would send me in a direction I've wanted to go in for a while.

We'll see what happens.

Since I Pissed People Off With My Hillary Post

2006-02-02T14:48:00.000-05:00

Here's something everyone can enjoy. Music from Jack White's side project The Raconteurs. Click it. There are two songs and some artwork on the site for your pleasure.

America, Can You Do Me A Solid?

2006-02-02T10:01:00.000-05:00

Please don't elect this bitch President. I don't care if Satan himself, aka Dick Cheney, is running against her. She is as evil as any person I've ever seen.

John Stewart said it best. When showing sour puss's recation to a comment by Bush at the State of The Union the other night, Stewart said "That's where boners go to die." And he was right.

Do me a solid, anyone but Hillary.

Ashley Simpson Is The New David Lee Roth

2006-02-01T09:57:00.000-05:00

I completely stole this from City Rag. It was so funny I had to share it.

The Meaning Of LIfe

2006-01-31T14:19:00.000-05:00

Yum, Yum, Yum

2006-01-31T11:59:00.000-05:00

What's The Last (Or Next) Concert You've Seen

2006-01-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

I'm taking my 13 year old son to see Avenged Sevenfold this friday at The Starland Ballroom in Sayerville NJ.

The band is kind of metal punk. If you listen to rock radio you may have heard their song Bat Country. They're not one of my favorites, but he likes them a lot.

The plus for me is seeing another show at The Starland Ballroom. It's basically a club here in Jersey that has a lot of Second tier acts and also some top tier bands as well.

I've seen a lot of concerts in my life, but mostly arena shows in the 80's and 90's. Having my kids be 16 & 13, and them wanting to see bands has gotten me back into seeing rock shows again. And now I realize how much better is it to see shows at smaller venues.

It's so much better in the clubs. It's not even close. And we're pretty lucky that we have a venue here where we do get to see a lot of up and comming bands and I nice selection of national acts.

The best club show I ever saw was Stevie Ray Vaughn in the Stone Pony here in Jersey at the shore. I saw him a couple of monts beofre he died. That motherfucker could play the guitar!

What's the last show you saw or what's the next one you're going to see?

Ghetto Skank Fest

2006-01-27T10:10:00.000-05:00

Have you seen it? It's on VH1 and it's called Flavor of Love. A whole gaggle of the skankiest women competing for the "love" of a washed up rapper from the 80's.

If you think The Bachelor is degrading to women, check out this fiasco. It's train wreck TV at it's worst.

Does anyone think Flavor Flav is good looking, smart or has a good personallity? There's no way this dude has any money left. PE was one of the best if not THE best rap groups out there and did very well back in the day. But they never crossed over like the rappers do today. And no crossover means no huge money. Plus, didn't he have a huge drug habbit? That's usually not so beneficial to the bank account.

The skanks are going to be suprised when they relaize the vault is empty.

New Rules, Bitches!

2006-01-26T15:07:00.000-05:00

I never really liked Bill Maher in the past. But I've been wathcing his HBO show which is quite interesting because they mix up the panel politcally, and discuss the issues of the day. I've also found that he can be pretty funny. Someone posted these as George Carlin's, but they're Maher's:

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass hole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white folk's version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.

After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

I'm All For Dirty Sex Stories Online

2006-01-26T09:56:00.000-05:00

I'm all for dirty sex stories online.

But when they involve the Sims, that just seems creepy.

Check out the hot computer generated action.

How To Get Tossed From Disney World

2006-01-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, those are their boobs.

I'm A Freakin' COUGAR! Yeah Baby!

2006-01-25T14:00:00.000-05:00

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego.
You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Alanis Kissed Girls

2006-01-25T10:17:00.000-05:00

Alanis Morisette. I don't think of her as tradionally beautiful. But I've always thought she was hot. Maybe it's because she'll go down on you in a theatre. Maybe it's cause her first single was so angry. I always thought she was a hippie girl who was wild in the sheets. Turns out, I was right.

Alanis Morissette may be engaged to Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds, but that doesn't mean she didn't experiment with women during her teens and twenties. In a recent interview with Out magazine, Morissette revealed that although she considers herself heterosexual, she has been involved with women in the past, saying "I had my years of experimentation, which were very lovely and I'll highly recommend to anyone. I think it's such a beautiful rite of passage to test the waters and get a general sense of who you are and what your preferences are."

Ewwww, Cunty.

2006-01-24T14:07:00.000-05:00

This is Alexis Stewart, Martha's daughter. She was on Howard Stern's Sirius show the other day. She told a story how she and another girl were in a car once and another woman crossed the street in front of the car. Alexis said to her friend, referring to the woman, "Ewwww Cunty."

Of course now Howard and crew have isolated her saying that and they drop it in as sound effect. I laugh every time I hear it.

I thought girls hated the word Cunt.

What Is It?

2006-01-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

Take a guess. Answer on Monday. (Only losers blog on the weekend.)

Wilson Pickett

2006-01-20T09:29:00.000-05:00

Last night I was online checking news and email and saw that Wilson Pickett died. I IMed a friend and told him and he said "What is he a baseball player?". Shame on you. You're a 6 on a collness scale of 1-100.

Do yourselves a favor kids, listen to some Wilson Pickett. He was a guy who didn't need 100 curses and other peoples' riffs to make a great song. He is one of the funkiest riffmasters ever.

Leif Falls Again

2006-01-19T10:30:00.000-05:00

THEN...............&..............NOW

Why do I write about Leif Garrett? He's a couple of years older than me, but back in the seventies and now we could be twins. Although he wears a lot of do-rags and hats now so he may be bald on top, but i still have a full head of hair.

It's wierd because in the 70's I knew that we looked alike, and then I forgot about it until a few years ago when I saw his Behind The Music. I was like "Wow! He still looks like me. We both had goatees and he was wearing the exact same green wrap around Oakley sunglasses that I had at the time. Freaky!

The difference between us is, I wasn't doing coke at Studio 54 and getting laid like crazy in the 70's, and I'm not getting arrested for doing heroin and spending time in the clink. I'd choose my life over his any day of the week.

*************

LOS ANGELES -
Leif Garrett, a 1970s singing teen idol, was charged Wednesday with possessing heroin after he was arrested for allegedly trying to ride the subway without a ticket.

Garrett, 44, also was charged with fare evasion.

If convicted, he probably would avoid jail time under a law that sends some convicted drug users to treatment, authorities said.

An e-mail seeking comment from a spokeswoman listed on Garrett's Web site was not immediately returned.

Garrett was arrested by Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies Saturday evening on the platform of the Pershing Square Red Line station downtown for allegedly not having a ticket to ride the train.

Deputies then allegedly found suspected narcotics on the musician-actor, officials said.

He was held without bail for allegedly violating terms of his probation for a previous drug offense. He pleaded guilty in March to attempted possession of cocaine-based narcotics and was placed on probation.

Garrett has appeared in three-dozen films, mostly in the 1970s and 1980s, and has released 10 music albums.

In 1979, he rear-ended another car while driving a Porsche, leaving his passenger disabled.

Is it Possible That I Might Actually Be Able To Play Poker Well?

2006-01-17T16:02:00.000-05:00

I played in NL Holdem Tourney on Party Poker last night and finished in the money for the first time. I've won single table Sit N Go's many times, but never cashed in a big multi table tournament before.

This one was $10+$1 and there were about 2,300 entrants. I finished somewhere in the 180's reaping a HUGE payout of $20.90.

I was playing very tight and only going with premium hands, except around the bubble where I was stealing blinds left and right.

I'm sure I could have finished higher, but it was 11:30, I was getting tired and needed to go to bed so I could get up this morning. So I pushed a few times and got lucky once and not so lucky twice.

Anyway, I think I realized that if I really tighten up, I can go pretty far in these things. I'm going to take a few shots at the Party V Million Cruise. The NL qualifier is on Fridays, and you can get in throught the $20 SNGs. So I'll try a few of those this week.

**********************

I've been real busy at work lately, so not much time to screw around here in blogger land. Hope everyone is happy and healthy!

Maiden And Priest Were The Guys That We Praised

2006-01-13T09:27:00.000-05:00

VH1 to air the "The Story of Metal"

A Chronicle of the Devil's Music

Metal is rock's untamed wild child. Metal is rude, crude, irreverent and irrepressibly loud. Metal is rock and roll just as it's supposed to be, which is why everyone from Black Sabbath to Iron Maiden to Motley Crue to Slayer to Slipknot, have been hated by critics, feared by parents, attacked by politicians, and blamed for most of the world's ills. So how did a combination of the devil and decibels become such an irresistible lure to generations of metal fans around the world?

What Ken Burns did for jazz, VH1 does for heavy metal -- only a lot louder. "Heavy: The Story of Metal," premiering Monday -- Thursday, May 1-4 at 9PM* each night traces the evolution of heavy metal music and culture, from its dark, grim beginnings in Birmingham, England to the worldwide force that it remains to this day.

In a series of four themed hours, "Heavy: The Story of Metal," explores four decades of music, each hour examining this powerful and often misunderstood genre, from metal's pioneers to its love of glam and excess; from the fight for metal's rebellious soul to its storied flirtation with the devil:

Episode One traces metal's roots in the late-60's in the bombed-out industrial town of Birmingham England to the spectacular rise of Kiss and "glam metal" in the early 70's.

Episode Two examines metal's growing pains during the 70's when both high-brow rock critics and punk rock threatened its very existence. By decade's end, bands such as Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Def Leppard gave birth to what became known as "The New Wave of British Heavy Metal."

Episode Three sees metal thrive in, of all places, sunny California. Van Halen, Poison, Motley Crue -- it's the world of hair metal. And, keeping everyone's Jacuzzi-soaked ego in check, a little film called Spinal Tap emerges.

Episode Four takes a walk on the dark side: Guns N' Roses, Metallica, thrash, grunge, and how the music and images of Marilyn Manson became associated with the Columbine massacre.

Told from the perspective of the musicians, promoters, writers and fans who have kept metal's flame alive for four decades, "Heavy: The Story of Metal," contains revealing, hilarious and sometimes shocking conversations.

Interviews include Sebastian Bach, Jerry Cantrell, Phil Collen, Bruce Dickinson, Fred Durst, Ace Frehley, Rob Halford, Scott Ian, Tony Iommi, Chris Jericho, Lemmy Kilmister, Chuck Klosterman, Jani Lane, Tommy Lee, Doc McGhee, Bret Michaels, Dave Mustaine, Vinnie Paul, Mark Putnam, Riki Rachtman, Dave "Snake" Sabo, Nikki Sixx, Slash, Dee Snider, Geoff Tate, Eddie Trunk, Rob Zombie and more.

BUCK, BUCK, WHAT?????

2006-01-12T15:17:00.000-05:00

Elijah FUCKING Wood is going to play IGGY FUCKING POP????????

I surrender!

Does this look like Iggy Pop, master of shock rock, founding father of punk, to you??? Or does he LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING HOBBIT HE PLAYED??????

Elijah Wood, that weepy-looking hobbit of Lord of the Rings fame, is set to play Iggy Pop in an upcoming biopic about the rocker's life and career. Wood has stated: "I'm scared to death of doing it, because I love him (Iggy Pop) so much and I respect the music so much. I don't want to be the person responsible for screwing that up." Turn down the role?

Iggy himself has refused to take part in the production, claiming the script is well-written but that he wants no subjective part in the film.

Hollywood Ate Lindsay Lohan's Soul, And Evidently Her Eyes As Well

2006-01-11T12:32:00.000-05:00

Is it just me or does this pic of Lindsay Lohan look like she has no eyes? We know she has no soul, but have her eyes been eaten by Hollywood as well?

This is just sad.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Lindsay Lohan is "appalled" by the Vanity Fair article released last week in which she confessed to dabbling in drugs and battling bulimia.

The Vanity Fair story, which hit newsstands nationally Tuesday and was widely reported last week, made headlines for the 19-year-old actress' acknowledgment that she dabbled in drugs "a little."

The magazine also quoted Lohan on her drastic weight loss last year: "I was making myself sick," she said. The article, written by Evgenia Peretz, noted Lohan was "referring to bulimic episodes."

Lohan also said, "I knew I had a problem and I couldn't admit it." (Watch what Lohan said about her too-thin arms -- 4:00)

However, in a statement released Tuesday to Teen People magazine, Lohan denied having bulimia and said, "The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done."

An editor for Teen People said Lohan's denial was regarding Vanity Fair's reporting of her alleged bulimia, not drug use.

$50,000 A Night Suite

2006-01-10T16:13:00.000-05:00

There's a suite at the Palms in Las Vegas that cost $50,000 per night. It comes with a bowling alley and a shower with a stripper pole.

Some people officially have too much money.

I surrender.

Stolen Meme

2006-01-10T13:31:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Republic of Dogs. I hope the dogs don't hate me because of my thievery.

I don't know what "meme" means, and I'm usually too lazy to do these. But I've been posting a lot of crap lately so let the crapfest continue.

Boobies, boobies.

The Meme of Seven: Delusional, obsessive, and potential stalker edition

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Go to Hawaii.
2. Own a Les Paul and a Telecaster.
3. Start my own business.
4. Live in a state other than NJ.
5. Take another cruise.
6. Start a new band.
7. Play in The World Series of Poker.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Fix anything mechanical.
2. Surf.
3. Understand how Religious people want to kill.
4. Admit failure.
5. Say no when someone offers me a beer.
6. Be friends with a woman without wanting to have sex with her.
7. Ride a Skateboard.

Seven things I say most often:

1. "Nice"
2. "Grab me a beer"
3. "You spent what?"
4. "I hate you, dog"
5. "Everything is ok"
6. "Fuck, that hurt"
7. "Do your job"

Seven books I love:

1. The Phone Book
2. Madden 2006 Strategy Guide
3. 1984
4. Catcher In The Rye
5. Carrie
6. The Shining
7. Learning PHP/MySQL

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1. Pulp Fiction
2. The Godfather
3. Caddy Shack
4. Lost In Translation
5. Animal House
6. Jaws
7. Planet Of The Apes

Seven Songs I Play Over and Over Again:

1. Jesus of Suburbia -- Green Day
2. Don't Take Me For Granted -- Social Distortion
3. Sonic Reducer -- Dead Boys
4. Evenflow (one of the many live versions) -- Pearl Jam
5. Alive (Live Version) -- Pearl Jam
6. The Rover -- Led Zeppelin
7. Gimmie Shelter -- The Rolling Stones

Seven things that attract me to...blogging:

1. Annonimity.
2. The chance to try and be funny.
3. Cool people.
4. I'm a bit of a geek anyway.
5. It's good to find like minded people in other places.
6. Music.
7. I like to read.

The Next Big TV Trend, Cat Weight Loss Shows

2006-01-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

You've cried with the biggest losers. You've sweated with celebrity fit club. Get ready to watch the next weight loss tv phenomenom...Cat weight loss. It's Phat, Yo!

Sisters of Mercy Return

2006-01-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

The Sisters of Mercy will make their first North American concert appearances since 1999 with a run of shows beginning in mid-February.

The goth-rock pioneers--who have gone through almost as many lineup changes as Spinal Tap--will kick off their return to the States with a Feb. 16 in Las Vegas. The tour will last slightly more than a month and the band will hit 15 cities on the outing, including two Canadian dates.

The Sisters of Mercy were formed in Leeds, England in 1980 and went on to become one of the most successful goth-themed acts of that decade. The band released three albums, the last, "Vision Thing," coming in 1990. The group--now down one remaining original member in co-founder and lead singer Andrew Eldritch--continued to play live shows for most of the '90s and this decade, even without benefit of new recorded material.

Eldritch, who has a long history of feuding with various record labels, has recently discussed the possibility of new Sisters material being released, but has set no timetable for the idea. "New and hence unreleased songs make up half of any live Sisters set these days, although the classics get a good thrashing in rotation," Eldritch said on the band's website.

The current lineup of the band consists of Eldritch, Chris Catalyst (guitar,) Adam Pearson (guitar/vocals) and a drum machine named "Doktor Avalanche." This was the same name given to the drum machine that accompanied Eldritch and the band's other co-founder Gary Marx in the early years of the group.

Guitarist Pearson has also appeared recently playing live shows with the reunited MC5.